Well hello dear traveler!

My name is Shawna and you've found my personal website, hiding in this little known corner of the internet. I am a digital artist and author and live in San Diego, California in the North Park area.

I am 43 years old and I suffer from addiction related diseases and a number of physical ailments including clinical depression, chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia. I am nearing my eleventh year in recovery (this time around... I had 13 years the first time, then relapsed for 9) and I spend my time teaching myself the various aspects of recovery, writing, and digital art, plus I fool around with the Joomla Content Management System, building sites for select clientele now and again when I have the energy. First let me share with you my favorite little bit of prose from some anonymous person in recovery who decided to try and give the disease of addiction a voice, and did a fair job of it if you ask me. Here it is...

I hate meetings. I hate your Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a Program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you suffering and death.

Allow me to introduce myself: I am the disease of addiction – alcoholism, drugs and eating disorders. I am cunning, baffling, and powerful; that’s me! I’ve killed millions and enjoyed doing it. I love to catch you by surprise. I love pretending I’m your friend and lover. I’ve given you comfort. Wasn’t I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn’t you call on me?

I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love it when I make you so numb you can’t hurt and you can’t cry. You feel nothing at all.

I give you instant gratification. All I ask in return is long-term suffering. I’ve always been there for you. When things were going right, you invited me back. You said you didn’t deserve to be happy. I agreed with you. Together we were able to destroy your life.

People don’t take me seriously. They take strokes seriously. They take heart attacks seriously. Even diabetes, they take seriously. Yet, without my help, these things wouldn’t be possible.

I’m such a hated disease, yet I don’t come uninvited. You choose to have me. Many have chosen me instead of love and peace.

I hate all of you who have a 12-step Program. Your Program, your meetings and your Higher Power weaken me . I can’t function in the manner I’m accustomed to.

I’m your disease. For now, I must lie here quietly. You don’t see me, but I’m growing more powerful everyday. When you settle for mere existence, I thrive. When you feel fully alive, I weaken. But I’m always here waiting for you. Until we meet again, I wish you continued suffering and death. 

Isn't that incredible? Wish I knew who wrote it. Anyhow, browse my art, or cruise my portfolios, or go ahead and shake the dust off your heels and vamoose!

Thanks for stopping in.

Shawna